Gaslighting is a form of manipulation and emotional abuse that constantly makes someone question or doubt their own reality. Unlike occasional confusing, difficult or manipulative behavior, gaslighting happens over and over again with the sole intent of gaining control over someone. Read more to know about the signs of gaslighting, how it affects people and ways to respond if you experience it.
Signs of Gaslighting
- Their actions keep contradicting their words
- They insist it didn’t happen the way you remember it
- They deny things you have proof of
- They reverse the discussion to point at your faults
- They tell you everyone else is a liar and play victim
- They make degrading comments followed by positive reinforcement
- You feel like somethings is “off” or wrong with them but you can pinpoint or explain what
Gaslighting may sound like:
“You’re overreacting again.”
“You are crazy.”
“I never said that.”
“Just calm down. You are making a big deal out of nothing.”
“It’s all in your head.”
“You are wrong. You never remember things correctly.”
“You’re doubting me because of your own insecurities.”
How gaslighting affects us:
- Makes you question and doubt your own judgement
- Increases anxiety
- Affects your ability to make decisions
- Diminishes self-trust and makes you lose confidence
- Feels disempowering and can make you dependent on the gaslighter
Ways to respond to it:
- “I don’t appreciate you invalidating my truth”
- “We remember things differently”
- “I know what I saw”
- “Please stop talking to me like that”
- “I cannot engage in this conversation”
- “That’s not my experience of it”
- “My feelings are not open for debate”
- (When possible don’t engage)
*This is not gaslighting*
- Lying once in a while
- Minimising your feelings occasionally
- Being in denial occasionally
- Disagreeing with your point of view
- Seeing the world very differently from you
Sources and further reading
- Psychology Today: When is it Gaslighting and When is it not?
- Betrayal Trauma Recovery: www.btr.org/ 14-gaslighting/
- Healthline.com
