WHAT IS COMPARATIVE SUFFERING?
Comparative suffering happens when we stack our suffering against the suffering of others. It involves minimizing our own pain and problems because we feel that we have it so much better than others.
WHAT THIS MAY LOOK LIKE IN YOUR LIFE RIGHT NOW
- You feel the loss of your own self-care routines while providing for your family, when so many are deprived of the very basics in their lives
- You’re down and disappointed about missing your yearly family reunion, while so many in the world are suffering, sick or homeless
- You’re worried about your business losses even though you have enough savings, while so many businesses cannot sustain and have shut down
- You’re afraid to express how you feel because you think your problems are privileged and unimportant compared to the problems of the world
These feelings of comparison come from a place of compassion for others, but they are detrimental to our own healing. When we suppress expressing and attending to our own griefs, however small they may be, we let our grief exponentially expand within us.
According to psychologist Mark Brackett: “Hurt feelings don’t vanish on their own. They don’t heal themselves. If we don’t express our emotions, they pile up like a debt that will eventually come due.”
Some things to remember when we experience comparative suffering
- Ranking our pain against somebody else’s is damaging and doesn’t serve anyone
- Empathy is not a finite resource, there is enough to go around for everybody
- The more you attend to your own feelings, the more you have to offer to others
- Less privileged people and marginalized communities don’t benefit by you withholding your feelings
- No pain, suffering or heartbreak or is small or invalid, everyone has the right to feel what they’re feeling
- Having perspective and being grateful your privilege is important, but so is holding space for your own emotions
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