Perfectionism is a tricky personality trait.
At its best, it motivates people to pursue their goals, learn from mistakes and become high achievers. At its worst, it can paralyse people with fear, cause severe anxiety and is counter-productive.
Are people born perfectionists?
Perfectionism is partly genetic. However, a big part of perfectionism is rooted in environmental factors and parental upbringing styles experienced in childhood. Those raised by parents who are highly critical and hold their children to high standards tend to be more perfectionistic.
According to research, As many as two in five children and adolescents are perfectionists.
Researchers generally classify perfectionism into two types:
- Healthy or adaptive perfectionism that involves: High standards with flexibility motivation high resilience or the ability to bounce back quickly self-acceptance.
- Unhealthy or maladaptive perfectionism that involves: unrealistic standards without flexibility, consuming fear of failure, lack of self-compassion, chronic stress, procrastination, self-sabotage
Studies show that higher levels of perfectionism involve higher risk of psychological disorders & death.
Perfectionistic tendencies have been linked to: Depression, anxiety (even in children), self-harm, social anxiety disorder, agoraphobia, obsessive-compulsive disorder, binge-eating, anorexia, bulimia, PTSD, chronic fatigue syndrome, insomnia, hoarding, dyspepsia, chronic headaches, early mortality, suicide.
Signs of unhealthy perfectionism:
- You give up before starting because you’re afraid you won’t see through
- You don’t delegate easily because you don’t think others can meet your standards and you think you will have to do the job again anyway
- You seek strong words of appreciation for your work. ‘good job’ isn’t good enough. You need to constantly hear words like ‘excellent’ or ‘outstanding’
- You keep repeating yourself to make sure others have got your point
- You can’t tolerate it when you’re not good at something from the beginning
- You say no to opportunities you’re not a 100% sure you will succeed in
Ways to deal with unhealthy perfectionism:
- Practice imperfection:
Make it a daily practice to ask yourself: “What did I fail at today?” and celebrate it. Failing at something means you were brave enough to take the leap regardless of the outcome. Remember, there is no such thing as perfect timing or perfect conditions. What matters is courage & consistent action.
2. Ask for help
Confide in people that you trust. Tell them that you’re trying to manage your unhealthy perfectionistic tendencies. ask them to let you know when you’re being too difficult or exacting. Let them know that you may get upset or defensive in the face of their feedback but you will still sincerely consider it.
3. Aim for 80% efficiency
Striving for 100% and beyond creates burnout and kills creativity. Make 80% your new 100%. Delegate the remaining 20%. Allowing others to help enables a better outcome than what you can achieve on your own. Rest in the knowledge that 80% achievers are likely to outperform neurotic perfectionists.
4. Keep in mind the law of diminishing returns
It states that after a certain point, adding more effort will not produce significantly more gains. Recognize when you’ve reached that point.
5. Repeat to yourself everyday: done is better than perfect
Also repeat: progress over perfection. Action over procrastination. Macro over micro. Joy over burnout. Small victories over big breakthroughs. Self-care over self-sabotage. Make these your new mantras.
6. Prioritize your well-being above all
Ask yourself: the nitpicking over small details, the chronic stress, the burnout, the unrealistic standards, the accumulating consuming pressure of it all. Is it really worth it? Learn to take life lightly and prioritize your peace and well-being above all.
