The Michelangelo Effect in relationships happens when our partner’s beliefs and behaviour towards us brings us closer to the person we ourselves would like to become: our “ideal” “highest” or “best” self. The idea is that close partners reveal what is “hidden in the stone” and sculpt each other into becoming a better version of themselves.
The Michelangelo Effect may be at play in relationships where couples often say:
“You bring out the best in me.”
“I’m a better person when you’re around.”
“I knew you always had it in you.”
“Thank you for believing in me.”
According to psychologist Madoka Kumashiro, The Michelangelo Effect is based on “behavioral confirmation.” This means that if somebody truly sees, affirms and believes something about you, they’re more likely to elicit the same qualities and behaviours from you.
This phenomenon is common among couples reporting high levels of marital satisfaction.
However, it’s important to note that in the case of ‘The Michelangelo Effect’: people don’t create an ideal partner, they only support and promote the blossoming of their partner’s highest self.
However, the most common problem in couples trying to promote the “best version” of their partner is believing that one knows best what their partner is capable of doing or becoming – causing something called ‘The Pygmalion Effect’.
The Pygmalion Effect occurs when we push our partners to cultivate qualities that fit with our ideal image of them — not theirs. This neither promotes personal growth nor happiness in relationships.
