How to stop being so defensive all the time
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1. Learn to sit with the discomfort of being disliked or misunderstood. You do not need the people around you to affirm all your opinions and decisions all the time.
2. Pause. Take 10 seconds to think through your response. Observe your breath then choose your response.
3. Realise that people are acting out of their own insecurities - just like you. They are threatened, upset, inadequate or vulnerable - just like you. They are human longing for love, acceptance and connection - just like you.
4. Know that not everything is about you. People’s words and actions often say more about their mood, day or struggles. Stop assuming you are the main character in everyone’s story.
5. Try to actually take ownership and responsibility for your part.
6. Get curious about criticism. When you feel like you are being attacked.
Ask:
- Why does this hurt to hear?
- What is going on for me here?
- What is going on for them here?
- What do they need from me?
It is possible to simply respond with:
- “Thank you for sharing that with me. I am going to think about it.”
7. Practice saying: I feel a bit upset/ reactive. Let us continue this conversation later.
8. Repeat to yourself often: “I have nothing to fear, nothing to explain, nothing to prove to anyone.”
